P.S. I Love You

The communication model occurs whenever there is interaction between two or more people, whether it is verbal or not. This process is not always a success, and often times, it is a complete failure. An example of this, is in the movie, P.S. I Love You, a married couple played by Hillary Swank and Gerard Butler are in a heated argument, she is not speaking, and he does not know what went wrong.

Earlier on in the night, Gerard told Hillary’s mother that she does not want children right now. He experienced his wife planning out a baby, and wanting to wait. In his own mind, he thought that was fine, and it would also be fine to tell her mother. This idea, he thought was harmless, only meaning to inform her mother of their plan. It was not meant to harm her feelings and he did not put much cognitive or emotional meaning into what he wanted to convey. However, the signs and symbols he displayed, she interpreted as a slap in the face. When she was decoding his message, instead of thinking how he thought, she understood that he was making a dig at her. Her reaction was that of a negative one, and she intern, gave him the silent treatment on the way home. It was an awful experience for her, because of all people to tell that she doesn't want children, in her eyes, her mother was the worst person. The meaning she took away from his remark, was that he didn't want children with her, and he didn't want her as well, and that scared her. Her reaction was very emotional and not very well thought out. Her feedback, was not what he was expecting, from his “harmless” comment. So, as he is fighting for her attention on the silent walk home, he breaks her down and she tells him why she is upset. He decodes her feedback, in a very confused manner, because she overreacted,in his eyes. This cycle continues, until more miscommunication takes place, and they need to walk away, because they are not getting anywhere.

The one element that is significant to the ineffectiveness, is her failure of interpretation from his message. In the movie he says that they have “two conversations, the one they're actually having, and the one she thinks they're having.” In many relationships this is true, and it is best to just walk away, when you cant agree or communicate efficiently. The significance of her failure of interpretation, is that it is the entire problem. He did not lie or construe something to make her look like the bad guy, he merely stated a fact. However, she took it in a completely different way. It is a fact of life, that the two sexes need to work hard to communicate well, and jumping the gun is not the answer to interpreting a message.

(The link with "P.S. I Love You" goes to a script of the movie, and the 76th line or coupling is the reference I used, when I was talking about the duel conversations.")